I wrote this song at a time when I was questioning my faith. I had been unwell for three years and so much of ‘who I was’ had been taken away from me. I couldn’t understand how God, who knows me best, could watch me being torn apart and the pieces not being given back.
I didn’t know how to love God or receive His love in the midst of this darkness. In fact, I doubted if He really loved me or cared for me at all. But my centre, my heart, my soul, my spirit, my depths, whatever you want to call it, was drawn time and time again to my Father in heaven. Something within me led me to write a song to the words of Psalm 139 (Psalm 138 in the Greek numbering).
The lyrics so beautifully encapsulated what I was experiencing but could not explain. At the core of our humanity we long for our Creator. Our limitations, and our brokenness are often what raise our awareness to this truth. As His image-bearers we have been given this inexplicable gift of constant relationship with Him. No matter what we are experiencing, or what’s going on in the world around us, God invites us into communion with Him. God is with us always, and will never leave us (Matthew 28:20). His beauty and love are to be found in every aspect of His creation.
God has searched me and He knows me, He loves me, and He wants to communicate and co-create with me.
I can’t say this Psalm was the answer to all my problems or that darkness suddenly turned to light. I still encounter hardship and I’m still sick but the words of this Psalm remind me that God cares about me more than I can imagine and that His glory is so much greater than anything I will endure here on earth (Romans 8:18). That glory is not only in heaven but here on earth for us to participate in and that is a gift I can’t deny!
Susanna's song is available to listen on our TLC Spotify Playlist, alongside plenty more from Sword of the Spirit and beyond! Check it out below: